In response to an infuriating blog entitled: I Am the Mother of Two and I Cannot (and Will Not) Support Feminism
Hey,
mother of two children who cannot (and will not) support feminism. I’m a mom, sister, cousin, aunt, friend,
professor, nature lover, singer and actress, and I am proud to say that I am a
feminist. I’m proud because I actually
know what the word means. Feminism isn't about “disrespect.” It’s about
equality.
To
those who have swallowed the Feminazi portrayal of feminists propagated by Rush
Limbaugh and other misogynists who are threatened by the notion of women having
equal rights in our society, I urge you to look at the reality rather than they
hype. If you’ve been convinced that
feminism is about hating men, it may be time for you to turn the dial on your
TV and radio station. The message
you’re getting has been distorted, either by the sender or through your own
perception. Contrary to what you’ve been
led to believe, there is no war on men.
Stand down. There is, however, a call by feminists for women to be treated like
humans rather than objects.
I
have two young women and a young man whom I raised to be hardworking, loyal,
decent people who treat others with respect.
However, unlike you, Mother of Two, I don’t want my son to treat women
like princesses. I want him to treat women
as treasured equals, the way all humans
should, ideally, be treated. And, this
seems to be where the confusion lies.
Feminism
and chivalry are not mutually exclusive.
And, good news! Chivalry is not
dead. Rather, in my house it is, as
intended,
You
say you want to raise your boys to be gentlemen. I applaud you for that. The world needs more true gentlemen. I just
hope that they don’t turn out to be the kind of "gentlemen" who believe women
should NOT have the right to vote, or equal pay, or own land, or sign contracts
or use contraceptives, or have maternity leave without fear of losing their
jobs. Historically, a lot of self-described gentlemen
have rallied against women’s rights in the name of preserving traditional sex
roles, all the while claiming they love and respect women and want to protect
them. Oh, and by protect them, what they really meant was--I need to have power over women, and
should, because women are “less than.” A
true gentleman is both sensitive and respectful, not condescending. I’m all for raising true gentlemen. Carry on...
Unlike
you, if a young girl dresses in a way that doesn’t strike me as “decent”
(whatever that may mean to each of us) I don’t consider it an expression of radical
feminism. Instead of making me bristle
with judgment, it makes me wonder—if our girls lived in a society that valued
their brains, and humor, and other wonderful qualities and talents rather than hammering
them, from birth, with messages saying their worth hinges upon being pretty,
how would that affect their self-perceptions? When our young girls receive messages
their entire lives pronouncing that their survival depends upon their ability
to attract a man, how does that affect their choices? If, as a woman, you make 23 percent less than a man for doing the same job, how might that affect your feelings of
self-worth, and how might those feelings affect your life decisions?
Because
I raised two girls, in addition to a boy, I have a different perspective than
you on the issue of what constitutes a threat.
You see, I want my girls to be safe, even if that means not responding to a hello or returning
eye contact. But, unlike your sons, my
son doesn’t believe that eye contact and saying hello makes him a threat. Perhaps that’s because he understands that it’s
possible that a boy who smiles and makes eye contact and says hello IS a threat
to his sisters, and therefore, it’s simply wise for women to be cautious. That’s the reality in our society. He doesn’t take it personally, or feel any shame
for being a man. He understands that we
live in a world where women aren’t treated as equals and are often victims of
sexual assault. Knowing that doesn’t
“suppress” his masculinity—it enhances it.
As
a white male, he has privileges that his sisters and people of color
don’t. For him to claim that he’s somehow
being discriminated against and made to feel bad for being a man would be an
insult to all who have struggled and fought for equal rights—rights that may
now exist on record (for some) thanks to our feminist friends of the past and
present, but do not always exist in
practice. There’s still a long way to go
before women are afforded equal pay and equal opportunities in our
society. Sadly, our society’s
treatment and portrayal of women lags behind the laws that have been put in
place to exact change.
Feminism is not the problem.
Gender hegemony is the problem. Those who
have historically dominated others fight hard to maintain that dominance. When the laws shift and threaten their power,
they shift their tactics in order to convince the very people they dominate
that their condition is not only better for them, but that those who seek
equality are the enemy. It appears, in
your case, that strategy has been successful.
As for me, I’m grateful for feminism. I'm grateful for those who have fought to give me the right to vote, own land, sign contracts, make decisions about my body, get equal pay for equal work, etc. I'm also grateful for men who aren’t threatened by equality. Men and women feminists know that advocating for political, economic,
social and cultural equality is a good thing.
THAT is feminism. As for being treated "like a princess," I'll pass. I’d rather be “the master of my fate,” and, “the
captain of my soul.” (Henley, 1888).
Kate O’Neal
